2003-01-02 - 12:48 p.m.

I have a birthday in a couple of days.

I’m feeling ambivalent.

It could be that I’m in the middle of a quarter life crisis (hmm, bought high tech yuppie toys, hate my life and everything about it, feel like I’m trapped in a gray walled cage, have dirty thoughts when watching championship cheerleading on ESPN, yup sounds like a quarter life crisis to me).

It could be that I’m not where, 6 or 7 years ago, I though I would be in 6 or 7 years. Not a freelance industrial espionage black bag man working for the Japanese zaibatsu by extracting the worlds most daring researchers, shadow play in the neon midnight of Shinjuku station as I sink though endless levels of corporate intrigue, assassination, where agents are turned, burned, redeemed and sold all with a jaded Generation X noir; nor am I the leader of a resistance cell in the Revolution against the Disney Corporation, fighting their Albert Speer wet dream utopia with gun fire, terror and the righteous knowledge that those Mickey Mouse ice cream bars are MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!!; nor am I a mercenary in South Africa involved in a tempestuous relationship with a beautiful, UN human rights advocate/archeologist as we fight a losing battle against passion and a wining one against the Hordes of Death in the Lost City of Solomon’s Mines; nor am I a controversial pornography poet laureate living in Amsterdam and emotionally abusing an 18 year old Parisian model who cuts herself just to prove she can feel something.

Funny how life turns out, huh?

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