2003-06-03 - 7:34 a.m.

It’s kind of weird seeing the last of the true believers like Malraux lose faith. It gets me to thinking that maybe I’ve got it wrong as well. I’m tired of my life, of the grind that makes up day after day. I’m explosive, nerdy, geeky, uncompromising in my dedication to the life of historians and aggressive to the point of combative. Furthermore, I’m bitter angry and feel that women are evil and relationships are the first step to hell. Oh and I’m a liberal in the world of the neo-conservative.

So maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should sell out. I’ve been thinking about law school. Maybe be Well Spoken Asian Lawyer for Disney and be a Republican. Find some Christian debutante whose family used to own slaves and now sells guns to fascists and settle down with the requisite 2.3 kids.

And maybe I’m a Chinese jet pilot.

Because if that happened the Actionhero would crawl out of me, solidify into the gun slinging badass he is, looking like something out of a Tim Bradstreet painting and bullet fuck my own eyes. He’d then proceed to burn the house down, call in Silky Sakai and some hardcore pipe hitting Mongols and go Golden Horde on the entire neighborhood.

In my dreams, wild eyed Asian horsemen set fire to houses in a faux modern syle, while Vikings chop with SUVs with battleaxes, calling on Odin and Thos to aid in the death of the Steel Spawn of Loki. Janissary archers with double recurve bows let fly hordes of Damascus steel tipped arrows into the windows of the movie theaters showing Lilo and Stitch while wholesome high school overachievers—male and female alike—are ravished by leopard skin clad Amazon warriors in heat, to the screeches of feral hunting baboons masturbating and feasting on the slow dying remains of Football players and Lacrosse teams.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Malraux, don’t lose faith. Because I need someone to lead the Maori and Ghurka shock troops through the streets of London and to finally pick up where Guy left off.

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