2003-08-14 - 2:17 a.m.

Actionhero fished out his gunmetal gray cigarette case and took out a slim coffin nail, a special kind with tobacco grown by mad Moorish assassins and rolled into perfect cylinders by triplet Balinese sex slaves. He liked the way the paper and tobacco crackled like a '40s German city when he put it to the lighter. He inhaled a stream, the smoke rushing like a runaway freight train down his lungs, savoring the ripple of relaxation through his muscles, the tightness in the chest, the lightheadedness. It was like sex with the twin daughters of a Christian fundamentalist minister; so very good because everyone said it was wrong.

So yeah, I took up smoking. Not often but enough to cut the stress and fall in love with the stuff. I wonder why I never took it up sooner.

Other than my new bad habit, life progresses. Had a mini vacation up Virginia/DC way. God DC is a fucked up city. Totally Emerald City of Lies deal. Just driving around I can feel the whole "whore you soul to the highest bidder" deal.

The Republican smiled his plastic grin matching the new Asia Occidental fusion decor of the trendy M Street bistro, the clean scrubbed government flunkies and Capitol Hill Girl Fridays from Omaha and Seattle, the 50-dollar asparagus crepes, his pressed blazer with it's discreetly conspicuous American flag pin.

"If I may say so, A.H.--may I call you A.H.?--you are very marketable and I see a very nice place in the Republican party for you. You've got a West Coast feel, a Jet Li street cred but with a TI-85 AP Calc wholesomeness, Jackie Chan nice guy non-threatening flair but with a little old school Chow Yun Fat grit. We like it. We think that with Colin and Condie you'd be a good fit."

"You mean you need a well spoken Asian boy with a little John Woo cool but who's mostly Wally Cleaver with epicanthic folds to round out the United Colors of Beneton add you're building, right?"

"Like you say. And we can make it worth your while. Plush pad in Georgetown, a Beamer, very Bond if I do say so. Some CREEP style funding. Full wardrobe account at Abercrombie and Fitch. And a trophy girl, a nice little Republican booster with the perfect Libby Dole personality and 10 grand tits that look great in a power suit who won't mind if you bring home some intern from a bar. Hell she'll even bring home the intern for you if that's your deal. Old Rumsfeld like it that way. What do you say?"

"I say fuck your Republican bitch ass. Besides, Dean's groupies have belly rings and are screamers."

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