2004-02-05 - 11:37 a.m.

People have been asking about the Actionhero

Well, right now the Hero is wondering what the point of life is.

Right now, the Hero is contemplating taking a flamethrower to certain graduate programs in the Central Florida area.

Right now, the Hero is wondering about the near perfect woman’s he’s met and why he needs an ax.

Right now the hero is wondering how in the hell anyone could elect W in the first place, let alone reelect him.

Right now the Hero views W as a 2000 lb gorilla getting ready to shit steaming banana turds on and flick his Volkswagen bug size gobs of neo-conservative semen on the constitution and he’s wondering which Democratic Bi-Plane would be the best to render monkey boy into lunch for 10 million starving Congolese.

Right now, the Hero is contemplating getting rip roaring drunk.

Right now the Hero is dreaming of himself dressed as Rorschach from Watchmen and stating on the slopes of Olympus Mons laughing as Ann Coulter, Pat Robertson, the Cabinet, and all of the women who’ve ever put the Hero in the friend zone drown in a sea of blood, demons, broken glass, used condoms and Liquid Hantha Virus. The Hero is smiling under his black-and-white inkblot mask as he hears them scream for his help. He is whispering “No.”

Right now the Hero is notice the black clad assassins crawling though his wondo.

Right now, the Hero is reaching from the twin 9s under his desk.

Right now, the Hero is busting out with some of that psycho Chow Yun Fat shit.

Right now the Hero is taking our a ball point pen and some acid, a lighter, a pair of pliers, and copy of Marquis DeSade.

Right now the Hero has learned that you fuckers have sent these tattooed Yak sons of bitches to ascertain my death and to rob my corpse.

READ MY SCRIPTURE FUCKERS!!!! I’M NOT DEAD AND LIKE BHUDDA WITH A MACHINE GUN I AM GOING TO ENLIGHTEN THIS VILLAGE OR I WILL BURN IT!!!

RIGHT NOW THE HERO DEMANDS ANN COULTER BROUGHT TO HIM IN CHAINS THAT HE MAY SHIT IN HER LUNGS!!!!

RIGHT NOW THE HERO DEMADS THAT THE BABOON SEMEN FILLED BODY OF PAT BUCHANAN BE BROUGHT BEFORE HIM THAT HE MAY PERSONALLY BULLET FUCK HIS EYES FOR DARING TO CALIM THAT GOD WANT W TO GET RELECTED!!!!

RIGHT NOW, THE HERO IS MAD AND TIRED AND WANTS YOU ALL TO GO TO FUCKERY.

RIGHT NOW THE HERO IS DEMADING THAT SOMEONE BRING HIM VAMPIRES AND VICTORIAN MONSTERS THAT I MAY BEGIN MY CRUISADE!!!!

Right now, and maybe for not much longer, the Hero is back.

Right now, one of the Yakuza is still making noises.

Right now, the Hero is smiling.

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