2005-03-25 - 1:20 p.m.

1. Despite his loathing of camping and the outdoors and love of urban massives, Actionhero secretly liked playing at being a cowboy. When he had his dacha at the Valley of the Lost Histories he used to go horseback riding through the stable zone Triassic Veldt until he ended up in that weird alternate steampunk 19th century North American Wild West, hunting the clockwork cyborg Jesse James and fighting evil sky rail barons with his side kick Pancho Curare.

2. Actionhero owned the City’s most left wing radical newspaper, The Metropolitan Avenger. He uses it to wage a verbal war on the corrupt Right Wing forces that have corrupted the City’s black heart. No one knows he owns it though; ownership has been hidden through 36 shell companies on this and Other Realms by Imperatrix Holdings, LTD. The public face of The Metropolitan Avenger is the charismatic, born again socialist playboy crusader Britt Reed.

3. Britt Reed was really Actionhero, dress in his “Fifth Columnist Fiction Suit.” When ever he did this, Suki dressed up in a black, tight-fitting chauffeur’s outfit compete with cap and a pair of sun glasses so large they that almost look like a kind of visor or domino mask. On these occasions she insisted of being called “Ms. Kato.”

4. While a student at the Invisible College, Actionhero took tango and rumba lessons as part of his mission to assassinate an alternate reality Evita Peron who was using Japanese Mecha technology stolen from Silky Sakai. He was actually quite good and still goes dancing anonymously at the clubs of the Carib Quarter, where he is known as “El Hombre.”

5. Actionhero enjoyed being a groomsman at the wedding of Peter “The Wolf” Mahoney and Heather “Ladyhawke” Trew, but only because he was able to help kill the werewolves that crashed the reception and NOT because he was flirting with Pete’s sister or aunt or Heather’s crazy dark elven bridesmaids.

6. Actionhero secretly owned stock in corporations, business, and enterprises of all sorts throughout the City. He used these to keep tabs on what happens in the City and play the role of kingmaker and Socio-Political Darwinist in all affairs of the City.

7. While he always hated their pretentious attitude and doesn’t hesitate to kill any that get in his immediate vicinity, Actionhero has always had a kind of truce with the Capo de tutti Capi of the City’s Vampire Mafia. He even got to be friends, after a fashion, with the top vampire, Lorenzo the Magnificent. Actionhero always said it was because he hated vampires so much that he honestly didn’t even want the drama of an ongoing blood feud with a Master Vampire from the Renaissance but those closest to him think it was because he was really a Goth and just refused to “come out of the coffin.”

8. As a personal, private joke on Ves, Actionhero anonymously supplies Giles with an endless supply of bottles of Drakkar Noir.

9. Once, for an undefined period of time, Actionhero served as the warlord of an alternate Mars. He was also the consort royal to a beautiful red-skinned princess. And yes, this means that Actionhero was kind of married.

10. Actionhero isn’t dead.

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